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UNDERCURRENT CAFE RESTAURANT WITH ALTERNATIVE VIEWS

Overview

With almost all modern news sources infected by a highly contagious left wing confirmation bias, a visit to Undercurrent Affairs acts on the deluded and disillusioned like a vaccine developed by a free spirit in the privately funded laboratory called Life Experience. We expect diners to arrive with jaded palates in a pretty shabby frame of mind, so we prepare literary dishes under set menus in a variety of flavours with one unique ingredient, a spicy house infusion called Abstract Definition.

House Infusion

Abstract Definition mixes traditional satirical techniques like lampoon, burlesque, parody and profanity into prose rich in metaphor and analogy, sometimes with a signature lyrical top and tail that contains musical links, designed to deepen the reader experience. Letters are a favourite conduit for ideas and opinions presented with counterintuitive creativity by the Undercurrent team of pseudo scribes, along with shorter articles, blogs, and longer essay formats. 

Our Aim

The aim is to enlighten those seeking the truth, and offend those who want to take offence, in the same sentence. Which, in marketing parlance, is to satisfy our customer’s needs at a profit. We work hard to enlighten, but we take extra pride in those we offend, because everyone has a right to be offended. And on this free speech platform, if you want to vocalise your offendedness, you buy trial access to the comments section, and let fly. It’s the rule of sticks and stones, but we prioritise humour over hate.

Content Labels

Content gets labelled Fresh (it all starts out fresh on the About page), Vanilla, Mild Korma, Hot Chilli, Profane and Censored flavours; an Undercurrent literary dish tends to be spiced up with Abstract Definition according to how the subject matter moves us, with your sacred taste buds in mind. So while some might select a Vanilla flavoured travel story to calm frayed nerves after a bad day at the office, others might prefer to dive right into something Censored. And that might be by Her Majesty’s law, as well as by Undercurrent label!

Membership Plans

Everyone is welcome to Browse The Menu for free, which offers plenty insight into content style and preparation. If that hits the spot, it’s time for Coffee Housing membership, where you pay a small monthly fee to access the three fresh posts on the About page, which get renewed on a regular basis. And if that’s taken your mind off the endless Fake News narratives, you’ll soon be ready for Undercurrent’s Fine Dining membership, which is access all areas and tuck into whatever takes your fancy, whenever, with four sumptuous added extras, available only to Fine Dining members:

  1. You can speak to the chef and order up your own literary dish from the kitchens, for an agreed fee.
  2. You can buy one of the first 95 limited signed hardback editions of ‘When Hunter Becomes The Hunted’, a verifiable feast of true fiction, chockablock with crazy adventure, independent thought and ancient mystery.
  3. You can leave a big tip, which goes towards pro bono Attorney meal tickets. No one can save you on from a left leaning Magistrate on an empty stomach!
  4. You can donate direct to our fake news narrative Climate Change parody, in return for an Undercurrent branded T-shirt, mug or beanie. At this year’s Undercurrent AGM, we voted unanimously to patronise the Save The Haggis Fund.

The Undercurrent Guarantee

Whatever you choose, you can rest assured that in full flow, Undercurrent Affairs is enraging some thin skinned hypocrite with totalitarian inclinations somewhere, and maybe a whole lot more. It might be Joey Kasim-Paşa, our ever irreverent double-barrelled sports and gaming guru; or Jon Anon, our most decorated contributor, who has a dangerous tendency to shoot straight from the hip, without much metaphorical cover; or Wee Jimmy, the ultimate provocateur, who goes commando in kilt when he’s out, and Union Jack tighty whities when he’s in; or even Anvil Adams, our latest recruit, who likes bashing things into shape; or, if he moves like Bruce Lee, our Asian source Nip Nippon, undercurrently covering the peaceful communist takeover of Hong Kong.

Undercurrent Cancel Culture

And spare a thought and support for our mercurial Guest Editor, the founder of Polymath Creations, who since the creation of the Undercurrent Affairs brand in 2015, has fought to keep the Undercurrent stable of pseudo scribes shod and shaved, on message, in pocket, out of Old Pokey, and schooled to show a clean pair of hooves to the dirty denizens of political correctness and cancel culture everywhere, identified by Rowan Atkinson as a Medieval Mob. Medieval Marxist Mob would be more accurate. In our free speech capitalist culture, you can cancel your Undercurrent membership any time you please. But cancel us? On yer bike! 

Jonathan WD Roberts © Undercurrent Affairs